So, here I am, succumbing to peer pressure and participating in the stereotypical "misunderstood teen" activity: blogging. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to post my thoughts here on some random slice of cyberspace. I've always hated journaling, yet I consider myself a fairly introspective person. Go figure. But for the time being, I don't intend to publish this blog anywhere. It's unlikely that anyone will read it. I guess maybe it's about a personal journey. Another friend with another blog said that he can't know what he thinks until he writes it out. Maybe that's the case. We'll see shortly.
Yet I still feel vaguely ridiculous typing out these lines for myself. What am I trying to say? What am I trying to prove? Who am I?
That's the question I most want to answer. Who am I now, and who am I becoming? I always shied away from the advice "know thyself," claiming that doing so was impossible....but maybe it's not. Maybe we all need to know ourselves a little better, so that we can direct our lives in the paths that best suit us, our ambitions, and the rest of the world. How else can one live the "good life" and truly succeed as a human being?
So, before I begin the chronicle of my day-to-day experiences and contemplations, just in case someone does stumble across this blog and wants to know (perhaps I flatter myself; still, it's best to start at the beginning) here's just a little background information. I am an 18-year-old female college student majoring in Biology/Pre-Veterinary Medicine at a small liberal arts university. I love life; I love literature and art and music. I ride horses and play flute and piccolo. These are my experiences and my interests; yet they do not define me. I must search for my own definition. Sidenote: I still feel pretty embarrassed to be explaining myself to a computer monitor. Let's hope that recedes over time, or this ain't gonna last.
As for the rather odd title of "Almost, finally," I think that needs a little explaining, too. I became associated with the tag "almost" when I was a freshman in high school choosing a new email address. I picked "almost_mozart" as a bit of a joke. I was a good flute player for my age, but certainly no prodigy. I had recently performed Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik at a music contest, and I rather liked the piece and composer. I wanted to create a new identity for myself, as I thought nicknames were amazingly cool, so I hoped people would start calling me Mozart. They didn't. But almost_mozart stuck, and I continued using it whenever I signed up for web forums or other Internet services. Then one day I questioned the use of the clarifier "almost." Didn't that mean I was admitting to myself that I wasn't quite good enough; that I could never quite succeed? Wasn't it a bit of self-inhibition to have such a sad name? So I dropped the first bit, and continued with the latter, secretly thinking of myself as "finally_mozart." Because that's how I felt--like I was finally, at long last, coming into my own, not only as a musician, but as a free, rational human being.
So here I stand (or sit at a keyboard) today. Almost there, but not quite yet. Looking for enlightenment and transcendence (lofty goals, indeed!). Finally starting to figure out what this whole "life" thing is about.
Let the journey begin.
